What is a leader? A good communicator.

-to define is to limit-

It's officially been a year since I jumped across the pond to the land of Israel. I’ve come to realize that this is the longest I’ve been away from home. This transition to grad school in Israel has also been the transition of being a young American depending on her parents in many aspects of her life, to being a young American depending on herself in all matters. I’ve become an adult…? 

~I say the words American here because we are discussing identity in a lot of my classes and while I normally don't use my nationality as a main aspect of my identity, I have begun to understand how my American background and culture has defined me as a traveler and a person. More on identity later though...~

I’ve taken control of my life, which requires a lot more responsibility than I could even imagine. It’s not just the buying and cooking of food (I gotta eat..) or taking out the trash and paying bills (these are real bummers though). It is establishing and truly solidifying what I find sacred at this point in my life. By understanding what I feel to be most important I can begin to understand who I am as a human on this planet in this time. 

When you’re growing up, even if you are an opinionated and loud child (sorry, mom and dad), you still have to comply to your parents morals and values. You can be a leader within your friend or age group, but no grownup really listens to a kid. Having the appearance of an adult requires that I set good examples for those around me (young and old alike). People judge adults more than children, and I have to decide how much I care about what others think of me. Not only that, but I have to decide what kind of role model I want to be and what kind of leader I am. 

I define a leader as someone who inspires, who is responsible, creative, and who takes initiative. Someone who is trustworthy and accountable, who can see the big picture while also considering the little stuff (the treatment and desires of others). Someone who listens and can effectively communicate. The most important aspect of a leader, however, is her ability to adapt. Last week, my class had the opportunity to speak to the grandson of Ghandi, Arun Ghandi. Among many insightful advice given, he said one thing that struck me: Identify your weaknesses and change those weaknesses into strengths. He said if we were what we are then we wouldn’t progress at all. Meaning that everyone is capable of change. 

To be a good leader, one must be able to understand when and how to adapt to certain situations and in many cases that adaptation is when the leader realizes where her deficiencies are as the leader. Identifying your weaknesses can be tough. I’ve always considered myself an effective communicator. I am loud and bubbly, I am considerate and I can an-nun-ci-ate. Unfortunately, this isn’t the entire formula for an effective communicator. 

A good communicator is a good listener and that is something I fall short on. I think many people would label themselves as good communicators, but in reality they just mean they are quick to come up with rebuttals. Rather than progressing the conversation forward, they are good at keeping it at a stalemate- in an incessant back and forth, no listening, no understanding- just closed arguments. 

We recently finished a mediation workshop. It was a week of simulations, it was very draining, but extremely rewarding. Being a mediator is not a judge, it's not a negotiator. It's not even about finding a solution for people. The role of a mediator is to act as a third-party "mother". Mediators listen and their communication is just a reflection of the listening. It’s like being a glorified translator-- translating people's emotions into interests so that all parties involved can hopefully understand the other's side better and come to some sort of agreement on their own. 

Mediating involves reflective listening which is exactly what as it sounds—you listen and reflect back almost verbatim what the speaker said. It’s a little awkward at first, but it’s very validating for the listener to know with certainty that they are being heard which in turn makes them more engaged in the conversation. 

A Buddhism class I took discussed the idea of deep listening. This involves almost no verbal or non-verbal communication on the side of the listener. The listener is supposed to engage fully with the words she is hearing while also focusing on what she is feeling and sensing within herself as the listener. This focus could be anything from concentrating on facial movements to the sensations running through your body. 

Communication is both what you comes out of you (speech, body language, non-verbal queues, etc.) as well as what you bring in through reflective and deep listening which helps you to understand. Communication is a two-way street and in order to be a good leader you need to know how to navigate in both directions. This navigation involves quick thinking--adaptability. It's one thing to listen and understand what is being said to you, but as a leader one must also consider what to do with the information that was just given. 

So hopefully, by applying these new techniques I've learned in my classes I can become a better and more effective communicator. I want to change my weakness into a strength and then show others how they can achieve this change as well! 

A leader is much more than a communicator, and there will be more posts to come, so be patient while I figure out what kind of leader I want to be. 

-----------------------------

I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with this blog. It takes a lot of concentration and work to write, but it's something I've been wanting to do for awhile so I'm going to try out a few different types of posts and see what happens! 

This is going to be a series of what I think makes a good leader. I want to identify where I fall short on my definition of a leader and discuss how I can change those weaknesses into strengths. 

Thanks for your attention!

xx

Classes~~~

So, I'm not sure if I have posted about all of my classes or not.

Since most of my posts were about a certain Korean boy that is no longer in my life. I feel guilty to all of my followers who only followed me because they want to hear about my wonderful Korea University.

So! Here's a post dedicated only to my KU life. 

------Mondays-------

On Mondays I only have class at 3:30 which means I can sleep in as late as I want (which usually isn't past 10 o'clock no matter how late I went to sleep that night).

I generally lie in bed and watch Korean videos or study some Korean before actually preparing for school. I bought a few children's books in Korean and during my free time I take out my big expensive dictionary (40,000W) and translate a page or two. It normally takes me 30 min to an hour to translate one page. The book I bought is maybe a 10 year old level and I'm pretty sure I'm at a 5 year old level... but I might as well aim high~~  ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 

I don't know what it is, but I always feel so legit when I use an actual dictionary and not an online one. I feel more studious and intelligent, you know?

Plus, using the dictionary,I see other words while looking for one which helps me expand my vocabulary. 


At around lunch time I text all of my friends trying to find someone that's available to eat with me. Generally it's either Christine (American) or Estelle (French). I am still in love with Korean food and never want to eat anything but Korean. Especially since my boyfriend (Chad) works at a Chinese restaurant and gives me free 자장면. So I go there often. Otherwise, I eat Korean bbq or dakgalbi (chicken stirfry thing) which are both VERY good. I don't know what I'm going to feed my vegan mother when she comes to visit..... I think there's like one vegan restaurant in all of Seoul...She's just going to have to live off of rice and bibimbap because Korea like meat.

Anyways, I normally end lunch at around 1 or 2 so I just go to a cafe and do some reading or homework before class starts. 

At 3:20 I head to my Korean speaking class. The teacher is SO pretty and SO young. I swear she's a student. She's incredibly nice and very funny. The class however, is way below my level. So I normally play on my phone when we are working on things I already know very well. Every once in awhile we'll do something I don't know. In which case, I take advantage of asking questions and participating.

At 4:45 class ends and I go to the classroom next door to prepare for Beginners Korean class. 

Mondays and Tuesdays we have an older male prof who is hilarious. I love him. He doesn't speak English well so he uses a lot of hand movements because, once again, I'm in a class below my actual level, so  there's a lot of debutante students who don't understand what he says in Korean. So he makes a lot of gestures. 


 At 6:15 I leave for dinner with either Estelle or my roommate.
After that, I either go back to the dorm or go to a cafe and wait til Chad gets off work so we can hang out and he can help me with my homework.

------Tuesday------
Tuesday, I have class at 2...HOWEVER... I am totally failing that class to the point of no recovery. 
It's an English lit. class and I feel severly hurt my ankle so I had to get physical therapy and the only time I could go was during that class Tuesdays and Thursdays. Before, I was already way behind on work and now that I've missed about 6 classes, I'm too far behind to even think about getting back. Plus, even if the teacher does accept me back in the class.. I won't be able to pass the final because I have missed too many notes.

Yay for failing my first class my freshman year. 

I'm so disappointed in myself. But now I know what college expects of me and I plan on studying my ass off next semester. I have to to get my GPA up after this class. 

Also, my ankle is still killing me. I have no idea what I did to it and neither does the hospital.
Tuesdays at 3:30 instead of Speaking I have Writing class. Which is above my Korean level and I LOVE it. It's the one class that challenges me. The one class where I actually feel like I'm learning Korean. The teacher is hilarious and she speaks ONLY Korean she doesn't even try to speak English. She speaks so fast too so when I understand what she's saying I am SO proud of myself. 

After that I have Korean beginners class until 6:15.

-----Wednesday-----
Wednesday I have French class at 10:30. It's basically a French class where we read and learn to translate into Korean,,, except I don't speak Korean. So the prof makes me read and then summaries in French because she doens't speak English. 

This prof loves me though. Because I speak French and lived in France. She always makes me answer the questions and walks with me after class. Last class we had a class lunch which was fun. They only spoke in Korean, but I love listening to Korean conversations to see if I can pick up anything. It was realy fun. Plus we ate at Chad's restaurant so I got to see him.

Then at 3:30 I have speaking class again.

6:15 Korean for beginners.



-----Thursday------- 

Thursdays I technically have English Lit. at 2
Writing at 3:30
and
Last day of Korean for beginners for the week.
It's generally an uneventful day. Sometimes I go to some sort of festival with my Korean friend Wonsuk. Or we just get dinner somewhere.



-----Friday----
At 10:30 I have French class again. I hate waking up early, but I enjoy that class. 

Then at 2 I have my 3 hour long history class. It is SO easy. The prof gives take-home exams and our midterm was to write a one page paper on an ancient Korean folk-song. Which was incredibly easy. You don't have to pay attention in the class. You just have to show up because he takes attendance. It's really boring though... 
I fell bad because he says this is the first time he's taught unversity students. He normally teaches business men or something. So he tries to make the class interesting but it's just not. It's so boring. The prof is really nice though and I love him for trying.

=====WEEKENDS=====

My weekends are normally very uneventful.... I have tutoring on Sunday and I hang out with my roommate or Chad all day. Or I just go to a cafe and work. Sometimes I go shopping.

Last weekend I rented a oneroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited. I move in June 22. I'll post more about how I found it later. I'm so happy to not be in the dorms anymore. I don't have to walk up those damn stairs!!!!!

So happy~~~~~

Anyways,, that's my week. Boring, right?

Hopefully you guys enjoyed this post. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Amsterdam!

I'm back in France! Yesterday was a very long day-8 heures dans une voiture pleine. Naturally, I slept the entire way.

I bought my host family crazy clog slipper things because I thought they were hilarious. My host family thought the same thing.

While I was in Amsterdam, I basically just walked around all the time by myself. I would wake up every morning and leave the apartment and walk for 5-10 hours until I was tired or it was time for dinner. It was amazing. Amsterdam, is so beautiful. The architecture is very different than in France, but it still holds that wonderful European style that I have always loved. I spent a bit way too much money for my taste, but je ne regrette rien. The apartment was beautiful and in the center of everything, so it was easy to walk everywhere. Which leads me to another one of my not-so-useless-but-still-pretty-useless moneyspending stories: I wanted to see the Anne Frank house. My host family told me that there is always a huge line to wait in if you want to see it, but it's still worth it. The only problem was I had no clue how to get there. So, I created a master plan. I had seen a lot of canal boat tours in front of the apart and I knew one of them stopped in front of la maison d'Anne Frank, so I went to the nearest ticket counter and bought a day-pass for 20E because I figured after Anne Frank I could go to some of the other stops that the tour offered. I got on the boat and it was very nice. There was an audio tour of interesting attractions that we passed and it was a beautiful warm day. The first stop was Anne Frank. I got off and walked to the house... what do I find? A huge line that goes down the entire block. I spend a few hours in the line before entering the house, which was so amazing and heart breaking. After I was done with the tour, it was already pretty late and I had no time to go to any of the other stops with my day-pass. But, how do I get home? ...I walk of course, Anne Frank's house was literally like 2 blocks away from my apartment. There was no point in me buying that 20E day-pass... oh la vache.

I go back to school tomorrow, I have to say, I'm kind of relieved. I really missed Rennes and I am so happy to be back.

xx