No Food or Water in the Desert: the Story of My Ramadan

It's been 2.5 weeks since Ramadan started. I am hungry and thirsty, but it has become easier to manage. Most people are shocked when they hear that me and two of my friends--both non-Muslims--have decided to participate in this month-long fast. The Muslim students I have encountered on campus, however, were delighted that I was doing Ramadan. It is their holiest month, after all.
            In fact, Ramadan encapsulates two of the five pillars of Islam: fasting and charity. It is a celebration of receiving the Qu'ran from God, but it is also about being reminded of the suffering that continues around the world. During the month, Muslims do not eat, drink, smoke or participate in errant activities while the sun is up. It is a month of reflection on your material life and to connect with those who have less. It is not about punishment and the purpose is not suffering, it is to reconnect with God and to take care of your fellow creations.
            Despite this, Ramadan is still incredibly challenging. If I want to eat breakfast, I have to wake up before the first morning prayer which generally happens around 4am. After that I am restricted from food and water until after the evening prayer around 19:40 when I can finally feast.
            I decided to put myself through this challenging Islamic tradition for myriad of reasons, but it’s not everyday one finds themselves in the Middles East surrounded by a different faith. This may be the only opportunity I have to participate in and to learn from an authentic experience. As of now, I have been invited to three iftar (breaking of the fast feasts) all around Palestine. This experience is one that has already begun to change my view of Islam. Witnessing the community and the camaraderie behind Ramadan is inspiring. In the villages, people support each other through the difficulty of the day. 

            On top of moral support, Muslims raise money to support local charities. For example, last year British Muslims donated over £100,000,000 in the UK alone. I hope by being apart of this tradition I can speak about my experiences with my friends and family back home and with future friends I meet around the world to help them paint a more accurate picture of Islam.
            Ramadan, for me, is a way to reconnect and strengthen the charitable and warm image I have of Muslims. In today’s world, it is easy to get caught up in the media and lost in the negative image of this particular faith. By participating in Ramadan, I hope that my Muslim friends and colleagues will know that my friends and I are not being swayed by extremism because we understand what Islam is really about—peace. Through my participation, I hope to gain a unique perspective of the Muslim faith. Ramadan is not only about fasting, but about being a good person. The hunger pangs and the dehydration are meant to act as a reminder that there are people who do not have access to food or water. There are people suffering much more than me and even some of those people will be participating in Ramadan being reminded that there are some who have even less than them.
            Ramadan is meant to help realign myself and to remind me of my place in the world. I hope that with every thought of the magnificent feast waiting for me after sunset, I will also think of those suffering more than me. I will think about the families stuck on rafts in the Mediterranean fleeing from their worn-torn home—about those who do not have a home or a warm feast waiting for them tonight—about children having to spend another day separated from their parents and about their families who miss them dearly. 
            Ramadan is also a celebration, the iftars act as an opportunity to gather as friends, families and communities to be together and celebrate what is most important—our relationships. If I’ve learned anything in the last 2.5 weeks, it is that I have a strong support system, a family, in the friends I’ve made during my time here. I wish them all a happy Ramadan and I thank them for accepting me and teaching me about their faith. 

Ramadan Kareem (Happy Ramadan).

What is a leader? A good communicator.

-to define is to limit-

It's officially been a year since I jumped across the pond to the land of Israel. I’ve come to realize that this is the longest I’ve been away from home. This transition to grad school in Israel has also been the transition of being a young American depending on her parents in many aspects of her life, to being a young American depending on herself in all matters. I’ve become an adult…? 

~I say the words American here because we are discussing identity in a lot of my classes and while I normally don't use my nationality as a main aspect of my identity, I have begun to understand how my American background and culture has defined me as a traveler and a person. More on identity later though...~

I’ve taken control of my life, which requires a lot more responsibility than I could even imagine. It’s not just the buying and cooking of food (I gotta eat..) or taking out the trash and paying bills (these are real bummers though). It is establishing and truly solidifying what I find sacred at this point in my life. By understanding what I feel to be most important I can begin to understand who I am as a human on this planet in this time. 

When you’re growing up, even if you are an opinionated and loud child (sorry, mom and dad), you still have to comply to your parents morals and values. You can be a leader within your friend or age group, but no grownup really listens to a kid. Having the appearance of an adult requires that I set good examples for those around me (young and old alike). People judge adults more than children, and I have to decide how much I care about what others think of me. Not only that, but I have to decide what kind of role model I want to be and what kind of leader I am. 

I define a leader as someone who inspires, who is responsible, creative, and who takes initiative. Someone who is trustworthy and accountable, who can see the big picture while also considering the little stuff (the treatment and desires of others). Someone who listens and can effectively communicate. The most important aspect of a leader, however, is her ability to adapt. Last week, my class had the opportunity to speak to the grandson of Ghandi, Arun Ghandi. Among many insightful advice given, he said one thing that struck me: Identify your weaknesses and change those weaknesses into strengths. He said if we were what we are then we wouldn’t progress at all. Meaning that everyone is capable of change. 

To be a good leader, one must be able to understand when and how to adapt to certain situations and in many cases that adaptation is when the leader realizes where her deficiencies are as the leader. Identifying your weaknesses can be tough. I’ve always considered myself an effective communicator. I am loud and bubbly, I am considerate and I can an-nun-ci-ate. Unfortunately, this isn’t the entire formula for an effective communicator. 

A good communicator is a good listener and that is something I fall short on. I think many people would label themselves as good communicators, but in reality they just mean they are quick to come up with rebuttals. Rather than progressing the conversation forward, they are good at keeping it at a stalemate- in an incessant back and forth, no listening, no understanding- just closed arguments. 

We recently finished a mediation workshop. It was a week of simulations, it was very draining, but extremely rewarding. Being a mediator is not a judge, it's not a negotiator. It's not even about finding a solution for people. The role of a mediator is to act as a third-party "mother". Mediators listen and their communication is just a reflection of the listening. It’s like being a glorified translator-- translating people's emotions into interests so that all parties involved can hopefully understand the other's side better and come to some sort of agreement on their own. 

Mediating involves reflective listening which is exactly what as it sounds—you listen and reflect back almost verbatim what the speaker said. It’s a little awkward at first, but it’s very validating for the listener to know with certainty that they are being heard which in turn makes them more engaged in the conversation. 

A Buddhism class I took discussed the idea of deep listening. This involves almost no verbal or non-verbal communication on the side of the listener. The listener is supposed to engage fully with the words she is hearing while also focusing on what she is feeling and sensing within herself as the listener. This focus could be anything from concentrating on facial movements to the sensations running through your body. 

Communication is both what you comes out of you (speech, body language, non-verbal queues, etc.) as well as what you bring in through reflective and deep listening which helps you to understand. Communication is a two-way street and in order to be a good leader you need to know how to navigate in both directions. This navigation involves quick thinking--adaptability. It's one thing to listen and understand what is being said to you, but as a leader one must also consider what to do with the information that was just given. 

So hopefully, by applying these new techniques I've learned in my classes I can become a better and more effective communicator. I want to change my weakness into a strength and then show others how they can achieve this change as well! 

A leader is much more than a communicator, and there will be more posts to come, so be patient while I figure out what kind of leader I want to be. 

-----------------------------

I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with this blog. It takes a lot of concentration and work to write, but it's something I've been wanting to do for awhile so I'm going to try out a few different types of posts and see what happens! 

This is going to be a series of what I think makes a good leader. I want to identify where I fall short on my definition of a leader and discuss how I can change those weaknesses into strengths. 

Thanks for your attention!

xx

Being a woman in a masculine world (i.e. the gym)

I found a gym (cue applause) it is literally right around the corner from my apartment. It's called Space! Isn't that wonderful?

The gym itself is mostly full of buff boys grunting and sweating and classes full of women sweating and laughing out of pain and exhaustion. 

I feel this weird need to prove myself a super woman whenever I'm in a hyper masculine atmosphere. I like these classes, I have no idea what I'm doing in the gym and I plan on taking these classes until I can come up with my own workout regimes... it's just these classes are full of women (save one man!) it's such a contrast. You're either the only woman in the gym or the only man in a class. Why is that? These classes are hard! The one I took today we were deadlifting and bench pressing a bar. We squatted and lunged with this bar and then we dead lifted some more. I have no idea how I survived. My whole body is shaking from muscle exhaustion. I do feel stronger, if not a little sore... 

It's the same on the beach. Israelis play this game called matkot on the beach, it's essentially table tennis without the table and there is no winner-you just see how long you can keep the ball going. Every time I go to the beach, I bring matkot and play with people. I'm not great, I can't aim and slam the ball, nor can I return a fast ball, but I can keep it going for awhile.  I've noticed though that maybe one out of every 7 women players I see can actually hit the ball with some accuracy. It makes me self conscious. I don't know why... I just hate feeling like people are looking at me thinking "oh, she's not that good because she's a girl" or even worse "oh, she's pretty good for a girl." You can see the exasperated expression of all the male counterparts trying to be patient with this female newbie when all they want is to just play matkot. It embarrasses me for some reason, I feel like I have to prove myself and prove to every other male that women are good at this shit too, we just don't get as many opportunities to be introduced/practice to these silly hobbies. 

Anyway, I'm ranting. I know there are plenty of women that are beast at matkot, I just haven't seen many. 

I don't have much to say this time round... just: Woman power! We got this, ladies (and this goes to all you lady people, regardless of what society says about you)! We actually live in a woman's world, we've just accidentally let the man get too big of a head. We're reeling them in though, no worries :)

momento mori

xx

The Israel Life-Hack

It's been approximately 5 months since I've been in Israel. I have moved into my apartment and received my course schedule for the coming semester. I have my favorite places to read, hang out, and eat. I frequently lounge on the beach and I'm thoroughly delighted to be here.

Israel is a "westernized", and, in most cases, developed country. It is one of the top 'Start-Up' countries (an Israeli start-up created WhatsApp). Tel-Aviv is a bustling, colourful, and fun city. The people are open and smart. The culture here is different in a way that I don't necessarily notice it in everyday life, but when I think about it and when I step outside of the Tel-Aviv bubble, I can really sense what makes Israel Israel.

I went to a discussion tonight called "How to Hack the Israeli Culture". During a discussion of defining Israeli culture most people said aggressive. Not aggressive as in violent, but aggressive in the sense that everyone here is working in their best interest and in the interest of those they care for and will do whatever they can to succeed.
Israelis have this philosophy of "if you want something, ask for it". I had heard about it and never experienced it until I went to a yoga class one day. I chose a nice spot in the back corner where I'd have all the room to flail and fail in peace... apparently another guy had a similar thought in mind and he asked if I'd be willing to switch. Now, in the States, that normally wouldn't happen. First come-first serve. I got the spot first therefore it is my spot. Not here, people are straightforward and opinionated. They won't shy away from an argument and they will argue-yelling and all. And then hug it out with their adversary or join them in a friendly football match.

The overall gist of the discussion was to be authentic. Israeli's aren't professional or formal. Their small talk skips right over the weather and enters family life and dreams and life philosophies. They're not shy and their always willing to debate and question things. Israelis may seem aggressive and overly forward in their interactions, but overall they are an authentic, creative, and kind people...much like the rest of the world.

 It seems that every Israeli is confused about my moving here though. For them, unless you're Israeli or Jewish (and even then a non-Israeli Jew confounds the natives), they don't understand why you'd be here when you could be home (which is much more interesting than here). Despite this confusion, every encounter I've had has always been positive. They've been excited to share their culture and their world with me.

I hired a mover to help me move into my new apartment, I rode in the truck with him and the whole time we talked about the conflicts around the world. He also related to me the history of the street I live on and how the architecture has changed in the last twenty years.

I also had a taxi ride once where the driver wants to change the stigmas around mental illness in Israel (and ultimately the world). I'm having coffee with him on Monday to discuss the next steps towards achieving his dream. It was a stroke of luck that I got into his cab.

All in all, I have been utterly authentic to myself and to the people I encounter and it has, thus far, had a positive effect. It feels like I'm meant to be here. I felt this feeling when I first thought about moving here and it hasn't left me since I've arrived. I have been welcomed and encouraged. I've met some incredible people and have had many enlightening conversations. Israel is an amazing place and I am so grateful for every day that I spend here.

Momento mori
xx

Momento Mori

Here I am. Telling myself I'll have the discipline to keep a daily blog. I don't know why it has always been so daunting for me to write everyday.. It's as if the second I make it a requirement my mind refuses to do it even if it is my idea!

I've always had this mentality, just ask my parents. I won't do anything I have to do, I only do what I want which, I believe, has helped me understand what makes me happy and what doesn't, but it has also affected my studies and my professional life.

I enjoy writing. Everyday I think of at least three new things to write about and yet, I never do. Maybe now that I am entering my graduate program in conflict resolution and mediation, I'll have a little more discipline.

For those of you that don't know, I have moved to Tel-Aviv, Israel to pursue my masters at Tel-Aviv University. I've decided on Conflict Resolution, mostly because I am angry at the state of the world and I would like to learn the vocabulary and the skills to help it.

Although my ultimate dream has been, and always will be, to go to space, I already feel guilty leaving the United States with the tension that has bubbled up, I can't even imagine my emotional state leaving my own planet. I hope that the lessons I learn and the experiences I gain during this next year will help me to join the fight for peace. Plus, one does not simply go to space...

Space... that's what we need to be studying and discussing. We're all humans in this vast unknown. We need to study our world and our surroundings rather than fighting each other.

Momento mori- remember you will die. I carry this phrase with me whenever I feel aggression or misunderstanding towards my surroundings or someone. We're all temporary and even if you consider that thought morbid or uncomfortable, everyone needs to remember that.  I hope to never negatively affect someone when I have control over it. Momento mori, so make your life good and spread goodness.

We are just visiting. Our time in this time is limited, so why are we killing each other and our planet? Why aren't we exploring?

Exploration--of the sea, of the Earth, of the Universe! That's what we need to focus on.

Imagine during the Cold War, instead of the Soviet Union and the United States racing each other to space and the moon, they sat down and worked together. What would space travel be like today if political tensions didn't exist? Put all the world's math and science nerds in a lab together and see what magic happens.

Peace through exploration. Peace through understanding what is out there beyond our atmosphere. Peace through curiosity.


Let's work together.

Momento mori.
xx