-to define is to limit-
It's officially been a year since I jumped across the pond to the land of Israel. I’ve come to realize that this is the longest I’ve been away from home. This transition to grad school in Israel has also been the transition of being a young American depending on her parents in many aspects of her life, to being a young American depending on herself in all matters. I’ve become an adult…?
~I say the words American here because we are discussing identity in a lot of my classes and while I normally don't use my nationality as a main aspect of my identity, I have begun to understand how my American background and culture has defined me as a traveler and a person. More on identity later though...~
I’ve taken control of my life, which requires a lot more responsibility than I could even imagine. It’s not just the buying and cooking of food (I gotta eat..) or taking out the trash and paying bills (these are real bummers though). It is establishing and truly solidifying what I find sacred at this point in my life. By understanding what I feel to be most important I can begin to understand who I am as a human on this planet in this time.
When you’re growing up, even if you are an opinionated and loud child (sorry, mom and dad), you still have to comply to your parents morals and values. You can be a leader within your friend or age group, but no grownup really listens to a kid. Having the appearance of an adult requires that I set good examples for those around me (young and old alike). People judge adults more than children, and I have to decide how much I care about what others think of me. Not only that, but I have to decide what kind of role model I want to be and what kind of leader I am.
I define a leader as someone who inspires, who is responsible, creative, and who takes initiative. Someone who is trustworthy and accountable, who can see the big picture while also considering the little stuff (the treatment and desires of others). Someone who listens and can effectively communicate. The most important aspect of a leader, however, is her ability to adapt. Last week, my class had the opportunity to speak to the grandson of Ghandi, Arun Ghandi. Among many insightful advice given, he said one thing that struck me: Identify your weaknesses and change those weaknesses into strengths. He said if we were what we are then we wouldn’t progress at all. Meaning that everyone is capable of change.
To be a good leader, one must be able to understand when and how to adapt to certain situations and in many cases that adaptation is when the leader realizes where her deficiencies are as the leader. Identifying your weaknesses can be tough. I’ve always considered myself an effective communicator. I am loud and bubbly, I am considerate and I can an-nun-ci-ate. Unfortunately, this isn’t the entire formula for an effective communicator.
A good communicator is a good listener and that is something I fall short on. I think many people would label themselves as good communicators, but in reality they just mean they are quick to come up with rebuttals. Rather than progressing the conversation forward, they are good at keeping it at a stalemate- in an incessant back and forth, no listening, no understanding- just closed arguments.
We recently finished a mediation workshop. It was a week of simulations, it was very draining, but extremely rewarding. Being a mediator is not a judge, it's not a negotiator. It's not even about finding a solution for people. The role of a mediator is to act as a third-party "mother". Mediators listen and their communication is just a reflection of the listening. It’s like being a glorified translator-- translating people's emotions into interests so that all parties involved can hopefully understand the other's side better and come to some sort of agreement on their own.
Mediating involves reflective listening which is exactly what as it sounds—you listen and reflect back almost verbatim what the speaker said. It’s a little awkward at first, but it’s very validating for the listener to know with certainty that they are being heard which in turn makes them more engaged in the conversation.
A Buddhism class I took discussed the idea of deep listening. This involves almost no verbal or non-verbal communication on the side of the listener. The listener is supposed to engage fully with the words she is hearing while also focusing on what she is feeling and sensing within herself as the listener. This focus could be anything from concentrating on facial movements to the sensations running through your body.
Communication is both what you comes out of you (speech, body language, non-verbal queues, etc.) as well as what you bring in through reflective and deep listening which helps you to understand. Communication is a two-way street and in order to be a good leader you need to know how to navigate in both directions. This navigation involves quick thinking--adaptability. It's one thing to listen and understand what is being said to you, but as a leader one must also consider what to do with the information that was just given.
So hopefully, by applying these new techniques I've learned in my classes I can become a better and more effective communicator. I want to change my weakness into a strength and then show others how they can achieve this change as well!
A leader is much more than a communicator, and there will be more posts to come, so be patient while I figure out what kind of leader I want to be.
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I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with this blog. It takes a lot of concentration and work to write, but it's something I've been wanting to do for awhile so I'm going to try out a few different types of posts and see what happens!
This is going to be a series of what I think makes a good leader. I want to identify where I fall short on my definition of a leader and discuss how I can change those weaknesses into strengths.
Thanks for your attention!
xx
